Life is Worth Living
Have you ever wanted to walk away from life? Keeping our heads above water when big waves hit can stretch our strength beyond capacity, making us question whether life is worth living. But tough times and raw emotions pass if we hang on. Everything changes.
I don’t talk about it often because it brings back tough memories, but September is Suicide Prevention and Awareness Month, so if my words help one person feel not quite so alone, or offer a sliver of hope that life can get better, I’m in.
Emotional pain is exhausting
In my twenties, I thought about ending my life. I wasn’t to the point that I had devised a plan, but I couldn’t think of a reason not to do it. Ironically, it wasn’t that I wanted to die; I just couldn’t think of any other way to stop the pain. Emotional pain. My world didn’t feel kind back then. And childhood trauma I had buried deeply was bubbling to the surface. The resulting internal struggle was exhausting, and I felt completely broken. I remember waking up and crying because I had to make it through another day. I yearned to belong, needed peace, and longed for relief. Not hopeful that I would find any of it, surrender seemed like the kindest thing to do for myself.
Life tends to break us
I look back on those years with great sadness because no one should feel that way. Struggle like that. The world needs to be more welcoming. People can and should be kinder. Life tends to break us, but that brokenness doesn’t give us license to be mean. What we do and say to others matters. Words hurt.
Everything changes
I sought help and found someone quite amazing. She guided me through every incident and emotion that brought me pain, and today, I live in gratitude. What a gift she was. She helped me through those tumultuous years, and now I’ve lived almost fifty more. She helped give me back my life. Everything changes; I have a great family, terrific friends, accomplished dreams, and hope for many more wonderful things ahead.
Healing was a process
How did I get here? It didn’t happen overnight. Healing was a process that took place gradually over years. I granted myself the time to dig deeply to understand why and how things happened to me, acknowledged that people are not perfect, allowed myself to feel empathy for those who hurt me, and gave lots and lots of forgiveness.
What is forgiveness?
I’ll be honest; At first, I struggled with the concept of forgiveness because it felt like letting people off the hook. But it’s not about that at all; they don’t have to know they’ve been forgiven. Forgiveness is about letting go. Releasing the hurt and anger so you can move forward with a bounce in your step.
Life shapes us
I also learned that you can’t change the past; all you can do is learn from it. And you can’t change people; all you can do is change the way you react to them. The best part, is that if I could change anything about my past, I wouldn’t. Everything I went through shaped me. Every emotion I felt made me who I am. All of it taught me how to be strong and protect myself.
Feeling blessed
You can’t fully appreciate light until you’ve lived in darkness or appreciate what’s good until you’ve been exposed to what’s bad. Pain made me kinder. Empathetic. Willing to help. Sometimes, helping someone is simply a gift of your time. Sitting with them. Caring. And really listening. Today, I feel blessed because in my twenties, when I couldn’t see a hint of light at the end of the tunnel, I wouldn’t have believed the life I have today was possible.
Do you know someone who’s struggling? How can you help?
Until next time,
Jean
AKA The Strategic Chicken - making life’s journey one strategic step at a time
